my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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