just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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