I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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