After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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