Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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