My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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