He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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