Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.

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(802): PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know. http://tfl.nu/g6tj

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(973): View more from New Jersey

too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.

(507): View more from Minnesota

she is a standing ovation.

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(973): too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face. (507): she is a standing ovation. http://tfl.nu/6atu

Replies (14) Good night (615) Bad night (2992)
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(703): View more from Virginia

She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine

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(703): She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine http://tfl.nu/jb79

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(443): View more from Maryland

do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

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(443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07

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(225): View more from Louisiana

How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?

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(225): How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention? http://tfl.nu/dhyh

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(330): View more from Ohio

The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

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(330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok

Replies (35) Good night (15231) Bad night (1118)
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(845): View more from New York

Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..

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(845): Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup.. http://tfl.nu/wofn

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(850): View more from Florida

"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?

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(850): "Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW? http://tfl.nu/ng2t

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.

(540): View more from Virginia

I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.

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(201): I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world. (540): I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him. http://tfl.nu/0ulc

Replies (6) Good night (566) Bad night (1520)
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(559): View more from California

She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude

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(559): She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude http://tfl.nu/6q44

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.

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(601): Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm. http://tfl.nu/epij

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how

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(401): How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how http://tfl.nu/4odx

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(720): View more from Colorado

You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.

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(720): You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck. http://tfl.nu/hy5d

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(281): View more from Texas

And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.

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(281): And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin. http://tfl.nu/b3st

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy

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(413): She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy http://tfl.nu/8tz5

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