judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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