I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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