It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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