I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize