Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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