Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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