I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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