I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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