she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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