I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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