Pants 0. Shit 1.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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