i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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