I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize