I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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