I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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