No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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