so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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