don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's always time for handjobs
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize