the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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