Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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