She said her name was "party"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
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i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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