last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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