i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize