he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize