Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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