im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize