exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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