on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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