mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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