I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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