I didn't shave. On purpose
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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