Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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