I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize