Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
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Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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