its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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