There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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