She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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