i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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