I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize