Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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