K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
