I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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